


Inside of Love

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-26
Updated: 2005-03-26
Packaged: 2019-05-31 07:24:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15114575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: It was the biggest fight of their nine-month marriage, and it started over something silly.





	Inside of Love

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Inside of Love**

**by: Montiese**

**Pairing(s):** CJ/Leo  
**Category(s):** Romance/Drama  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Disclaimer:** The song and lyrics belong to Nada Surf and my bids to own CJ and Leo have been met with silence.   
**Summary:** It was the biggest fight of their nine-month marriage, and it started over something silly.  


“Have Margaret dump these in Leo’s trash.” 

CJ dropped the dozen peach roses on Carol’s desk and went back to her office. She was back in 30 seconds for the card. Then she walked away again. Carol took the flowers and walked down the hall. CJ sat at her desk, twirling her pen with one hand and feeding Gail with the other. 

“Do you even believe him Gail? As if some roses are going to do the trick after the things he said. Why are men so bullheaded? Even the smart ones pretend to be stupid when it suits them. I mean really…” 

“You're talking to a fish.” 

CJ looked up at Josh, leaning forward in her doorway. His stance reminded her of a downhill ski takeoff. 

“What can I do for you Joshua?” she asked. 

“Since you are already in a crabby mood I thought now would be the perfect time to tell you that Lucien Michaels is being sued for sexual harassment.” 

If it was humanly possible, Josh swore he saw smoke coming from CJ’s ears. 

“Get in here and close the door.” 

Josh did; he sat in her visitor’s chair. 

“Tell me what you know.” She said. 

“Her name is Sarah Biddle and she worked at the American Embassy in London. She will be revealing their longtime affair on network TV and then his harassment and intimidation of her after she broke it off to marry her college sweetheart.” 

The word married ran through CJ’s head. She leaned back in her chair. 

“Not to be rude, but I don’t know who in Terre Haute will be ready be up in arms about the Ambassador to Great Britain having a consensual affair?” 

“She is taking it to the British Press, claiming she was a minor when it started.” Josh said. 

“You're kidding. How old is she now?” 

“20.” 

“Will the American Press take this seriously?” CJ asked. 

“Apparently she has proof CJ. There is also proof of a small medical procedure…” 

CJ held up her hand. She did not want to hear anymore. Obviously, the behavior and revelation would call for his immediate resignation. The press was going to have a field day. Carol buzzed in. 

“Yeah.” 

“Leo is on 1.” 

She seethed but knew she had to take it. They were still running the country and therefore had to communicate. Josh quickly took his leave as CJ picked up the phone. 

“Lucien Michaels will be resigning by letter tomorrow morning.” He said. 

“I already got that from Josh.” She replied in a cold tone. “Anything else?” 

“The President is going to want to throw out a couple of comments about the new appointment for Deputy Fed Chair for the three o’clock briefing. It also looks like we may have lost some ground with the Disabled Children’s Act.” 

“What! Toby assured me we had it sealed a week ago.” 

CJ slammed her hand on the desk. 

“It’s slipping CJ. And I am sorry, by the way.” 

“Don’t ever use important works of government for your mediocre apology.” She said. 

“But I have been so busy. I never meant for this to happen. You won't let me…” 

“If there is nothing else I am hanging up Leo.” 

“I love you.” He whispered. 

CJ slammed the phone down. 

\---------------------------------------------- 

“See Woody Allen had it right.” 

Toby looked at CJ standing in front of his desk. 

“Could you please move your hand a bit to the left?” he asked. “That diamond reflecting the sun is causing partial blindness.” 

CJ sucked her teeth, flopping down on the couch. 

“What do you mean about Woody Allen having it right?” Toby asked. 

“Huh?” 

“Nevermind. I won't talk about it if you promise not to. OK, I know for sure about Lincoln, Cosgrove, and Finnegan.” 

“Finnegan!” CJ exclaimed. “He owes us on the banking bill. He cannot jump ship.” 

“He can when he has a few moderate Republicans offering to help back his senior medical spending plan.” 

CJ gave an exasperated sigh. 

“Can today go any worse?” she asked. 

“I think we lost Rodgers too.” Sam said coming into the room. 

CJ screamed, stamping her foot on the floor. 

“What the hell is wrong with these people?” she asked. “This bill is a good thing. Not one piece of it screws with anybody or anything…they’re going to split it down party lines with a few idiotic Democrats for show. Why do we always screw over our own party? The Republicans never screw each other.” 

She threw her hand up and walked out of the room. 

“So I am thinking that she is still fighting with Leo?” Sam asked. 

“I find that a don’t ask, don't care policy is best concerning the entire relationship.” Toby replied. 

\-------------------------------------------- 

CJ had to get out of the office. She picked up her cell phone and called her niece. Hogan was out of school for spring break. 

“Hey Aunt CJ.” 

“Hey. Do you have lunch plans? I really need to get out of here.” 

“Nope…just hanging around. We can meet at the mall in twenty minutes. I need to start shopping for my trip to Arizona.” 

Hogan was not going to Arizona until late June; she just loved any excuse to shop. Most department stores already had their summer clothes out. Even the swimwear. 

“Alright kid. I’ll meet you in front of the fountain in 20 minutes.” 

“I’m taking an hour lunch.” CJ said as Carol walked into the room. “If the world falls apart, which I am sure someone will think it is I can be reached by cell phone. You tell my husband I do not want to talk to him unless its work.” 

Carol looked at her with wide brown eyes as she fed Gail. 

“Sorry, but there is no way I am saying that to Leo. Margaret can put her head on the chopping block. Who are you having lunch with?” 

“Hogan.” CJ stood, grabbed her leather jacket and her purse. 

Her deputy Henry came into the office. 

“CJ, they just delivered this for you.” He said as he put the box on her desk. 

She sighed, he was going too far. 

“It’s Tiffany.” Carol said. 

“I see that.” She handed it back to Henry. “Take this to Leo McGarry’s office and have Margaret tell him that CJ said to shove it up his ass.” 

“Don’t you like me CJ?” Henry asked. “Do you want me to die an ugly death?” 

CJ smiled. She wrote ‘shove it up your ass’ on a piece of paper, folded it into a square and handed it to Henry. 

“Take this to Leo’s office. I have a lunch date. Oh, and don’t take it until I clear the building.” 

Henry nodded as she left the office. 

\------------------------------------------------- 

There was envy in CJ’s eyes as she watched Hogan scarf down the pretzel bites and processed cheese that passed for her lunch today. As she bit into her honey mustard chicken wrap she remembered the days of eating whatever she wanted. 

“How do you like the CD?” Hogan asked, downing her Pepsi. “Kenny made it for me.” 

“Is he the sort of boyfriend?” CJ stole a pretzel but skipped the cheese. 

“I like him.” Hogan said. 

“The CD is fine. I really liked the Paula Cole song.” 

“That song is really about good sex.” Hogan said in that 16-year-old matter of fact tone that indicated to her aunt that she wasn’t having any. Would she tell CJ if she were? Since her parents divorced and her mother moved to Arizona CJ had become Hogan’s surrogate mom. She still didn’t know how good of a job she did. 

“Did Uncle Leo like it…the Paula Cole song?” Hogan asked. 

She had a goofy smile on her face. 

“I haven’t played it for him yet. We are not speaking right now.” 

“What happened?” 

“Just an argument. We do that sometimes.” 

“You're not going to get a divorce are you?” 

“No Hogan, I love Leo. We just both have strong personalities; it’s nothing to worry about.” 

“Dad and Uncle Kevin don’t like him. They said he is old enough to be your father. Aunt CJ, is he really as old as grandpa?” 

CJ shook her head. 

“No, and Dad and Uncle Kevin are jerks. We cannot always pick and choose who we fall in love with Hogan.” 

“I know. I like Uncle Leo. He is unnerved around me but I always manage to make him laugh.” 

“That’s true.” CJ looked at her watch. “I better get back to the office…I have a full plate today.” 

“We didn’t even get to go shopping.” Hogan said. 

“How about Saturday afternoon? We’ll make a day of it and I’ll bring Uncle Leo’s Platinum card.” 

“You rock Aunt CJ.” 

\----------------------------------------------

I know the last page so well  
I can't read the first  
So I just don’t start  
Its getting worse  
I want to know what its like on the inside of love  
Standing at the gates, I see the beauty above  
I want to know what its like on the inside of love  
Can't find my way in…I try again and again 

CJ sat on the bed going over the itinerary for the Paris trip. It was two weeks away and it seemed as if nothing was ready. Mostly it was a diplomacy trip, though the two Presidents planned to sit and discuss some of the problems in the Middle East. She sighed, eating strawberry sorbet. It was after ten and Leo was not home yet. Maybe he’d come in while she was in the shower and already set up camp in the den. Since the fight, he had been sleeping in there. It was the biggest fight of their nine-month marriage, and it started over something silly. 

“Are you accusing me of flirting with Donny Concannon?” CJ asked. 

It was Sunday morning and CJ stood by the coffeemaker. Leo was at the table with the crossword puzzle. 

“I never said the word flirt CJ; that was your word.” 

“You are accusing me of being too friendly with Danny. Po-tay-to, Po-tah-to, Leo.” 

“You are a married woman and maybe he does spend too much time in your office.” 

“No more time than Chris, Arthur, and Katie, and less time than several other men. I went on one date with Danny and you are never going to let me forget it are you?” 

Leo looked at her, his glasses resting on the bridge of his noise. 

“You went on 2 dates with Danny…and he bought you a fish.” Leo said. 

CJ smirked. 

“You're going to drag Gail into this? Leo, you bought me diamonds and no one cared. Danny was wooing me and it is ancient history.” 

“He is a member of the press and you are the Press Secretary. I know there is a fine line with the relationship, but Danny teeters on it baby. We do not have to fight about this.” 

“I don’t like what you're trying to say.” 

“You never quit Claudia Jean.” Leo said, sighing. 

“You started it. I feel as if my integrity is being called into question.” 

“Its not.” Leo muttered. 

“I didn’t hear you.” CJ said. 

“Its not. Look, I know you and Danny have a past…” 

“There is no past Leo. You know the whole story. Everyone knows the whole story.” 

“I didn’t know that Danny had been in your office at least three times after ten o’clock in the past two weeks.” 

CJ put her cup on the counter and looked at him. He knew as soon as he saw her face that the conversation should have dropped ten minutes ago. Sometimes neither of them knew when to shut up. That was why they fought…each had the desire to have the last word. 

“Do you have people spying on me now?” she asked. 

“No, I do not.” 

“Why don't you ask me what you need to ask me Leo? Do you want to know if I’m screwing Danny Concannon? Why don’t you just call his editor at the Post and have him pulled from the White House?” 

How did we get here, Leo thought to himself? It was too far gone to turn it back around. 

“CJ…” 

“Go to hell Leo McGarry!” 

Oh God, she used his whole name. He let her storm up the stairs and cool off, figuring it would blow over by dinner. No such luck…she was still angry. Every attempt that Leo made to reconcile was shut down. He never meant to accuse her of an affair, not even impropriety on her part or Danny’s. People just talked, and he did not want his wife to become the subject of a hurtful rumor. 

“What’s that you're listening to?” 

CJ looked up at Leo standing in the doorway. He wore his pajama pants and a Hanes tee shirt, looking adorable. She wanted to reach out and hug him but squashed the feeling. A part of her was still so angry…did he really think she could feel things for Danny? CJ didn’t even date Danny when she could have; now it seemed even more illogical. 

“Its the CD Hogan burned for me. She said they were unconventional love songs.” 

“I meant the song…I haven’t been able to get it out of my head for two days.” 

“The Inside of Love, I think the band is called Nada Surf.” 

“I've never heard of them.” Leo said. 

“Neither have I. Did you come up here for an extra pillow or something?” 

Leo shook his head. 

“Well what do you want Leo?” 

“I want us to stop this ridiculous fighting. I would never accuse you of having an affair and I should not have been so confrontational about you having the press in your office. I love you CJ and I am not sleeping on the couch anymore…I am sleeping with my wife.” 

She didn’t say anything, she just ate her sorbet. Leo looked at her. 

“OK.” She said. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” She nodded. 

Leo climbed into his side of the bed. 

“Thank God.” He said with a sigh. “That damn couch was killing my back and my hip.” 

“Hey, you're not getting any sympathy from this direction buster. You deserved it.” 

“I may have. For future banishment though I think I’m going to get new furniture for the den.” 

CJ looked at him and laughed. Leo reached out to tickle her; she screamed. 

“Leo, no! NOOOO!” 

She tried to fight him off but Leo had been her tickle foil long enough to know all of her combative moves. He dodged them without breaking a sweat, managing to get her tank top off and onto the floor. 

“Leo.” Her voice was soft. 

For some strange reason CJ covered her nudity with her arm…which made Leo smile. She seemed shy the 1000th time he’d seen her naked and that was endearing. 

“What?” he asked, gingerly moving her arm from her breasts. 

“I hate being tickled.” She replied. 

Leo kissed her and CJ sighed relief. 

“The bed is a mess.” She mumbled as he kissed her. 

“I could care less Claudia Jean.” 

He made love to her twice amongst the papers and files. It was more fun with only half the bed available, like back in college when CJ had to do it on a twin bed. Every time paper crunched under them, she giggled. In the end CJ pushed it all on the floor…she would make sense of it in the morning. 

“You really have been playing this song on repeat for two days.” Leo said. 

The CD came full circle; The Inside of Love played again. 

“I like it…it fit my mood.” 

“I am sorry that I even started that conversation.” CJ said. 

“I guess Danny Concannon is still a sensitive subject for me.” 

Leo held her close and CJ slipped her long leg over his. 

“Yeah. Maybe he is for me too.” He said. 

“I hated the idea of going to Paris mad at you.” 

“Especially since the President would have put us in a suite together.” Leo said. “The hotel couch would have been five times worse than the one downstairs.” 

CJ laughed. 

“At the rate we were going you would have been bunking with one of the spin boys.” She replied. 

Leo laughed too. 

“How come wives never sleep on the couch?” he asked. 

“Take a guess.” 

“Because you are always right and we are always wrong.” 

She pinched his cheek. 

“You see, your high intelligence level is one of the top three reasons I married you.” CJ said. 

“You know I hate when you're not speaking to me.” Leo said. 

“I know.” 

“I also hate when you're mad at me.” 

“I know. We’re alright now.” 

CJ threw the covers over them and wrapped her arms tighter around Leo. 

\----------------------------------------- 

“Rodgers and Finnegan are back.” Toby said. 

He came into CJ’s office after her eleven o’clock briefing. It was take out the trash day so the major things on her plate were the Paris trip and the Disabled Children’s Act. Hopefully nothing crucial would turn up in her inbox before six…the week had been long enough. Lucien Michaels quietly resigned that morning but something told CJ that that scandal was far from over. 

“We’re still some votes down.” She said. 

Toby sat in her visitor’s chair, tapping Gail’s fishbowl. 

“Josh and Sam are working on it. I think we can be back on top by Monday; we have some things in our pocket. You have a smile behind your eyes that I haven’t seen in a while.” 

“Is that a polite way of telling me I looked crappy all week?” she asked. 

“You're not getting me into that conversation. Are you feeling better?” 

“Yeah. Leo and I made up. The argument was silly anyway.” 

“95% of arguments are.” Toby said. “Do you want to tell me what it was about?” 

“Danny. Sort of.” 

Toby held up his hand. 

“I don’t want to know anymore. The President is doing a press conference for the Paris trip on Monday. He will throw in the Disabled Children’s Act.” 

“I know. I want Leo to try to convince him to use the Mural Room instead of the Rose Garden.” 

Toby nodded as CJ picked up her ringing phone. 

“CJ McGarry’s office.” 

“Mrs. McGarry, its Mr. McGarry. Have lunch with me today? I brought that CD from home.” 

“Yes.” She said. 

“OK. I’ll get you a tuna salad on wheat. I love you CJ.” 

“I love you too.” She whispered. 

Hanging up, she looked at Toby, who was now leaning on the doorframe. 

“Please let me know if the vote thing changes.” She said. 

“Yeah.” 

He turned to go and she stopped him. 

“When I said the other day that Woody Allen had it right I was thinking of the line from Hannah and Her Sisters when he said that ‘the heart is a very resilient little muscle’.” She said. 

“Yeah. He was right.” Toby replied. 

He turned and walked out of the room. CJ had some free time; she was going to read the New York Times. Everything was back to how it should be…the usual chaos in the White House and calm at the McGarry residence. 

\--------------------------------------------- 


End file.
